"I Will Sit With You In The Dark"

From Finding Cooper's Voice:

And then we had the piece of paper. The spoken words from the Psychologist. Our child was autistic. And at the time, my world stopped. In an instant my world changed forever. Or at least it felt that way. I immediately wanted to fix everything and do nothing all at once. I felt the weight of his diagnosis on my shoulders and still to this day, almost four years later, it is still securely on my back.

I have a hard time looking back at pictures from when Cooper was three. Which makes me so sad because I have two beautiful boys. Look at this picture. If you live autism you probably notice that Cooper is in motion. Always in motion. You also most definitely notice that he is pushing away from me. I have a smile on my face. What you can’t tell is that I’m covered in sweat. I am dying inside because we were at a public event and there was no denying that my child was different. My child didn’t speak. He didn’t play. He didn’t sit or even walk. He ran. He screamed. He was full of anxiety.

I spent days crying after this picture was taken. This was one of those moments that you hear about. And I’ll never forget it as long as I live. (Read more.)